Going through a divorce is a traumatic and intense experience, one that is full of conflicting emotions. Now that you have come through to the other side, it’s time to get your life back together- including your love life. Dating after a divorce is naturally going to be different- you’ve been through a marriage, you’re older, wiser (okay, maybe cynical too), you may even have children. While it may be a little bit scary, getting back into the dating world may actually be just what you need to heal your heart from your divorce.
The most important step is to put yourself out there- socialize with other people, either existing friends or new friends. The more often you do this, you’ll feel less like “the divorced one” and more like yourself again. While it is completely natural to want to test the waters right away, it is in your best interest to not get involved too quickly. Learn from your past mistakes and failed romances- take the time to define what you are looking for in someone of the opposite sex before you even accept a first date. While this may seem overly cautious, it will save you a tremendous amount of time, heartache and confusion in regards to potential relationships. Instead, go back to the basics and focus on friendship first- look for someone with whom you share a common interest such as a professional sports team or cooking, which will give you a stable basis to build a relationship upon, regardless of if it evolves into romance or remains platonic.
If striking out into a new social realm is just too unsettling for you to picture, you could try using an online dating service like Eharmony.com, Match.com or Yahoo! Personals. You’ll be able to control how quickly you get to know someone and gain that extra bit of confidence that comes with communicating through a computer. However, don’t depend on this method exclusively; eventually you will have to venture out into the real world.
If your divorce involved children, you’ll need to be especially cognizant of their reaction and adjustment to your newfound dating life. Remember that your children have been through just as much of a traumatic experience as you, and may experience feelings of abandonment and insecurity when it comes to your newfound relationship. When it comes to introducing a potential partner to your children, make sure you see a potential of longevity or stability from him or her. Start by introducing them to your children for a short period of time, and slowly increasing their presence around your home or at family events.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re initially unsuccessful in your quest it takes just as much patience to survive the dating world now as it did when you were younger. Stay positive and don’t rush things- as the cliché goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
