It is very common for good relationships to start from friendships. And often, you may have a “girl friend” that you spend a lot of time with and then realize you have feelings for that person. If you are trying to turn that “girl friend” into your girlfriend, there are a couple of things to consider and ways to make it happen.
Weigh the Pros and Cons Going from friend to relationship can be a very delicate situation. You may first want to make sure that you aren’t sacrificing a great friendship for the wrong reasons. Before you decide to take it further, ensure that you understand you may lose a great friendship but on the flipside gain a wonderful relationship. Just make sure that you are confident in your decision to take it to that next level.
Be a Good Mate If you are lucky, you might already have a feeling that your girl friend may have feelings for you too, and the transition into relationship could be seamless. But, in many cases, the girl friend sees you as a good guy buddy and not as relationship material. When you hang out with your girl friend, show her that you could be a good mate. Be considerate, listen intently and be a good conversationalist. Maybe surprise her by doing something sweet that you may have not otherwise do – go out of your way to help her, do something nice out of the blue or let her make the plans, even if the end choice may have not been what you would’ve chosen. These actions can make her realize you could be more than just a good guy buddy.
Take the First Steps Hopefully by this point, you have a feeling that your girl friend likes you more than a friend, too. Though, in this case, it is not likely that the girl will make the first move because of the “friend status.” If you really want to take your friendship to the next level and have no regrets about “what could’ve been,” make the first step. While you are used to hanging out casually, ask her out on a real date and see how she responds. Take it slow and let it happen organically. On the date, treat her not just as a best girl buddy, but as someone you are romantically interested in – but don’t wander from your real personality. But acting funny or unlike yourself, it will confuse the girl and make it awkward. Just be yourself, enjoy her company and let her know how you feel. With hope, she will feel the same way and you can take your great friendship and make it into a wonderful relationship.
Dealing with your girl’s ex-boyfriends can either be seamless or complicated. Of course, you want your girl’s ex-boyfriend to be a non-issue in your relationship. To make sure this is the case, there are a couple of tips to keep in mind when the situation arises in your relationship.
Don’t be Jealous or Insecure It is the tendency of men to be a little jealous when it comes to dealing with the ex-boyfriends. Women do not like this trait in their men. It makes them seem insecure and macho. When the ex-boyfriend factor comes up, remember you are the one with the woman and she is no longer with the ex. You are the one she has chosen and the ex is a thing of the past. Acting jealous, possessive or insecure will only cause problems and make your girlfriend mad at you. Be confident and act like the ex factor does not bother you—better yet don’t let it phase you – there is a reason that he is the “ex” and you are with the woman. Remember that fact and dealing with your girl’s ex-boyfriend will be a lot less complicated.
Be the Bigger Man When dealing with your girl’s ex-boyfriend, be the bigger man. It is not healthy or constructive to compare yourself to the ex or harness any type of jealousy or anger towards the person. If you see him out, and he approaches you and your girlfriend, be the bigger man. Act confident, kind and polite. You want your girlfriend to believe you don’t have a problem with the ex, and you want the ex-boyfriend to think you are a good guy. While you may not care what he thinks, your girlfriend does. It is always better when the ex-boyfriend factor is a non-issue and amicable situation.
While it’s always better to be the bigger person and act confident and cool in ex-boyfriend situations, if you do have a problem with the dynamic, it’s best to talk openly about it so it doesn’t cause any problems. If he is calling your girlfriend or approaching her when out, don’t get angry but act diplomatically and ask your girlfriend to tell him to stop calling and reaching out to her. The ex-boyfriend needs to understand that she is with you now. Just remember that anger and confrontation are not the way to deal with the ex-boyfriend factor. It won’t make your girlfriend happy and it’s better to be confident and handle the issue like adults.
Going through a divorce is a traumatic and intense experience, one that is full of conflicting emotions. Now that you have come through to the other side, it’s time to get your life back together- including your love life. Dating after a divorce is naturally going to be different- you’ve been through a marriage, you’re older, wiser (okay, maybe cynical too), you may even have children. While it may be a little bit scary, getting back into the dating world may actually be just what you need to heal your heart from your divorce.
The most important step is to put yourself out there- socialize with other people, either existing friends or new friends. The more often you do this, you’ll feel less like “the divorced one” and more like yourself again. While it is completely natural to want to test the waters right away, it is in your best interest to not get involved too quickly. Learn from your past mistakes and failed romances- take the time to define what you are looking for in someone of the opposite sex before you even accept a first date. While this may seem overly cautious, it will save you a tremendous amount of time, heartache and confusion in regards to potential relationships. Instead, go back to the basics and focus on friendship first- look for someone with whom you share a common interest such as a professional sports team or cooking, which will give you a stable basis to build a relationship upon, regardless of if it evolves into romance or remains platonic.
If striking out into a new social realm is just too unsettling for you to picture, you could try using an online dating service like Eharmony.com, Match.com or Yahoo! Personals. You’ll be able to control how quickly you get to know someone and gain that extra bit of confidence that comes with communicating through a computer. However, don’t depend on this method exclusively; eventually you will have to venture out into the real world.
If your divorce involved children, you’ll need to be especially cognizant of their reaction and adjustment to your newfound dating life. Remember that your children have been through just as much of a traumatic experience as you, and may experience feelings of abandonment and insecurity when it comes to your newfound relationship. When it comes to introducing a potential partner to your children, make sure you see a potential of longevity or stability from him or her. Start by introducing them to your children for a short period of time, and slowly increasing their presence around your home or at family events.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re initially unsuccessful in your quest it takes just as much patience to survive the dating world now as it did when you were younger. Stay positive and don’t rush things- as the cliché goes, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.”
Men can sometimes not see the signs that a woman likes them, so it takes a bit of effort on the girl’s part to ensure he gets the message. This can be tough, but there are some tips to try when looking to let that special guy know that you like him.
Flirt and Be Friendly When you are interested in someone, it’s okay to put forth a bit more effort in your flirting. You want him to know that you like them, so engaging in a little more flirting than usual is a good way to get their attention. Try to sit near the guy, steal a casual touch here and there, buy him a beer and see if you can spend some one-on-one time with him. Show interest in things he likes and engage him in conversation on topics of interest. You want him to think you are a cool girl that can be relationship material. Perhaps find a music or sporting event he’d like and get a group together and go – it will give you a reason to hang out with him and show your interest in things he likes to do. Better yet, ask him to an event one-on-one to show him you like him.
Be Forward and Confident One of your friends has likely given you this advice: “You can’t just hang around and wait for something to happen with him – you have to go for it, what do you have to lose?” And your friend is right in this situation. Sure, some guys will come right out and ask you out, but most of the time, you need to show them you are interested. Be forward and confident in your feelings. Ask him to grab a drink with you, or dinner or maybe meet up for a casual lunch. Tell him you really enjoy spending time with him and want to see him more.
Don’t be Afraid to Make the First Move If you really like a guy and want to show him you are interested, don’t be afraid to make the first move. You will be surprised at the positive reaction you will get from the guy. They don’t expect this approach from women and it shows your confident spirit and willingness to put yourself out there. You don’t want to regret not making the move and showing him you are interested, especially if you feel there is chemistry and a real chance for something special.
The “guy friend who is maybe more than just a friend” situation is one of the ultimate dilemmas in a single girl’s dating life. A lot of really great relationships start from being friends, but crossing that line can also end a valued friendship. Especially in this day and age, a lot of women and men go out in groups of friends and not necessarily one-on-one. This causes an interesting dynamic of singles and couples and sometimes can lead a girl to wonder, “Is that guy friend boyfriend material?” If you are trying to turn that “guy friend” into your boyfriend, there are a few things you can try to make it happen.
Weigh the Pros and Cons Before turning the guy friend into a boyfriend, you must decide whether it is worth it to you to lose the friendship if the romance goes south or doesn’t work out. Will it cause an uncomfortable rift in your friendships? Will it be awkward when you are out together? Do you think you will have chemistry? If you decide that you’d like to test the waters, the next step is to try to get him one-on-one.
The Non-Date Date Since you are friends, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a time to hang out with him. Ask him for coffee or if he wants to meet for lunch during the work week. Invite him to a happy hour you’ve planned. Have a party and make sure he comes and while he’s there, spend a little more time with him. You have to begin to show him that you could be girlfriend material and not just a good friend. Find ways to sit next to him while out and just try to be near him. These efforts will start giving him hints that you like him more than just a friend. Further, communicate with him a bit more by maybe sending an email here and there or an invite to a group social event.
Go for It Often, women get lucky enough that their guy friend gets the hint and a mutual admiration builds organically into more than friends. Though, if you are dealing with more of a shy guy or aren’t quite sure yet, you may want to take the brave step and ask him out on a date. Or plan a quiet meeting to let him know how you feel. In most cases, people who started as friends make great partners and you will be glad you were open and willing to give it a try.
